I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
