the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
