my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
