My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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