Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
