Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
