I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
