one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
We were destined to go to rehab together
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Randomize
