what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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