I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize