the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
