Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
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