2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize