Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
we're making bets on your personal life
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
