So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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