eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
