i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
