Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
