Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize