you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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