I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
accomplished twins. life is a go
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
