I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
