Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
