Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
