Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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