How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
