u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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