also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
