Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
