we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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