broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
