The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
