girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
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