Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
