I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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