Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
