if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
