just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
