it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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