Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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