A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
