Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
we're making bets on your personal life
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Randomize
