He uses pillows to masturbate.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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