Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
