im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
