dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Alive.
So much puke
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
