have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
