i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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