why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Michael Bay diarrhea
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
