I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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