i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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