There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Randomize
