You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
