life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Randomize
