I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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