shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
it was like eating out sand paper
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Blood and glitter go together right?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
