Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
