He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
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