There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
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