I got chris browned last night
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
3pm strippers are depressing
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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