How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
