One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
