guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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