New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
