Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
