i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
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