how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Floor bacon is actually really good
You've changed since you got that strap on
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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