Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
