my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I can't trust your balls anymore.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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