is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
