she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize