hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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