quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
We left an ass print on the piano.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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